A Father Like You
by paramorebrighter
Summary: Castle's feelings on giving Alexis away at her wedding, his memories, and anticipation of his loss. A one-shot of Alexis's wedding to Ben in the Alexis, Unexpected universe.


_Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. A story I felt still needed to be told from the_ Alexis, Unexpected_ universe, a one-shot. Help me, I'm addicted to writing fanfic._

* * *

I looked at my watch. It was three-thirty-three in the afternoon and I felt a little sick.

"Granpa!" Lily cried, bursting out of the bride's dressing room. Her red hair was in a bun atop her head and she had on a white organza flower girl dress. "Granpa, she's almost ready!"

My baby was getting married. No, not Lily, although she was my baby. Lily climbed into my lap and hugged me. "Does she look really pretty?" I asked her.

"Yeah, she does." Lily said, adjusting herself to my lap. She stuck her thumb in her mouth, and leaned against me, saying something muffled.

"Thumb out of your mouth, sweetheart," I said, tugging gently on her hand.

"I said '_aren't you happy_?'" she asked, and shoved her thumb back in.

That was something I hadn't been expected to be asked. At least by my Lily. I couldn't lie to her, she always knew. What was there to say? "I'm happy your mother is getting married because it was her dream. But I feel like I'm losing her to your daddy."

Her thumb popped out of her mouth. "Why?"

"It's complicated, Lily Bean."

"Oh." She wriggled around some more and out of my lap.

"Hey, where ya goin'?" I asked her.

"Momma's room!" She twisted the doorhandle and went in.

The chorus came from inside, "_Shut the door_!"

I was alone out here in the hallway in the armchair. Alone with my thoughts again.

Alexis used to play bride when she was a little girl. She had a rumpled veil and a bouquet of silk flowers. I'd catch her setting up her stuffed animals with a center aisle to walk down. This was before Meredith and I divorced, but after she was in a friend's wedding as the flower girl. She was cute, cute as a button, always. And then, it was just her and me, but the pretend weddings stopped. Daddy and Alexis against the world. Alexis no longer dreamed about weddings, but taking care of herself. Her drive to get into any school she wanted had started so early. Things hadn't gone perfectly, like she planned. But we learned to cope.

The door to her bedroom opened and Kate emerged. "She's almost ready," she said. She grinned. "She's having a 'special' talk with Meredith."

Who knew how embarrassing the talk Meredith was having with her.

_"I'm so glad you had the idea to name her Alexis if she's a girl," Meredith said, rubbing her bloated stomach. I had gotten home very late from the bar where I was working as a barkeep. We had blown most of my hundred-thousand dollar advance and were living in a cramped apartment in Brooklyn, before Brooklyn was cool. We had scraped together our last few dollars to change my name from Richard Alexander Rogers to Richard Edgar Allan Castle a few weeks before we found out Meredith was pregnant. We got Alexis from the name Alexander, even though it wasn't legally part of my name anymore._

_"Cosmo if it's a boy," I added._

_"Cosmo's such a stupid name, where did you get that?"_

_"Cosmo Kramer."_

_She sighed. "I hate that show."_

I hadn't realized how insane Meredith was until the money started coming back in. Then the cheating, then the scandals, then the arguments, then I filed for divorce. Unfaithfulness paired with irreconcilable differences was cited as the cause, and I won. And of course, I asked for full custody of Alexis with it, which had been awarded to me. It hadn't been easy to raise this little red-headed ball of fury. The boys, the sex talks, her first period, the disappointments that were inevitable in life. She was so driven, the little adult, from the moment she could talk. I thought about what the divorce did to her. She remembered things I didn't want her to, but I couldn't change that. I had been the most hands-on father I could be, but that didn't save her from the Rogers family curse of ineffective birth control. But at least we got Lily in from that.

The door opened and Alexis's four best friends came out, all dressed in different style dresses in the same fabric and shade of black, carrying red rose bouquets. Meredith came out, holding one of Lily's hands, and Lily was holding her mother's.

When my eyes fell on Alexis, my vision blurred from tears. I swallowed the lump in my throat. She was as pale as ever, and her red hair was curled and fell gracefully over her shoulders under the off-white veil that matched the dress that Kate had worn to marry me. That face, with the smile that melted my heart, the expression that kept me from being able to say 'no', the girl that I had loved from the moment she had been placed in my arms in the delivery room… her heart was no longer officially mine as of four this afternoon. She was no longer my little girl; she was mother and full-grown woman and was getting married in only few minutes. I had conflicted feelings, naturally. I was happy that she was reaching another milestone in her life, but terrified at the feelings inside me that I couldn't name. Anger that I felt like I was losing her to Ben. And relief. Ben had promised he'd never control her or take her away or put her or Lily's needs second to his. He showed me this when he put his life in danger to save Lily's. And how earnest he had been when he asked me for Alexis's hand in marriage.

_"Why are you asking me? Isn't it up to her?" I asked over the cigar and cognac._

_"It's tradition in the South to ask the woman's father for permission to enter the family."_

_"What happens if I say no?"_

_"I'll ask her anyway and we'll run off. Look, Rick; I just want to do this the right way. I want you and Kate to be there when I marry her and take Lily on as my daughter. It would feel wrong if I didn't ask you first."_

_"That's a bit archaic."_

_"But it's tradition, even if it doesn't mean anything."_

_I looked into my glass and a flood of memories ran through me, and an inevitable truth; there would be a day when I couldn't be Lily's father-figure anymore and Alexis would out-live me. Somebody needed to be there to take my place, as much as I was loathe to admit it. It was easy to hate Ben, but harder at the same time; he had just risked his life for two of my three favorite girls in the world. I couldn't say no. Death was inevitable, and I needed to be there for Kate and the triplets she was having; the children that ended up being Noel, Jace, and Jo-jo._

_I had to let Alexis go._

_"Sir, I'd never let the two of them want for anything," he promised. The humility and fear in his voice was patronizing. "I'll do whatever it takes, I will provide for them, and I'll love them. Please, give me your blessing-"_

_"Alright, Ben," I interrupted. My chest hurt. It was the natural order of things, wasn't it? "Alright. You can ask her."_

_It was instinctual to say no to giving her up. The selfish part of me wanted to take her away from here so the wedding didn't happen, no matter how good of a man Ben showed himself to be. Nobody could love her as much as I had._

"Dad?" I heard her ask. "Are you crying?"

I stood up. "No."

"Yes, you are, honey," Kate said softly.

I took Alexis into my arms and held her for a moment, choking back my own tears. I had always known selfish love and given that out to others before I saw her on the ultrasound those twenty-four years ago. I never wanted her to experience pain, but she had to; falling off her bike, later breaking her wrist, first heartbreak, not getting into Stanford, the pain of being dumped and abandoned, and childbirth. I couldn't protect her from everything. There was always the chance Ben would hurt her, but I had to trust that this was the right choice, to trust him. He was getting my both my babies tonight: Alexis and Lily. I had to trust his vow he was taking in front of all our friends and family in less than twenty minutes. I had to let him take my place.

A flash went off; the photographer was snapping pictures flippantly, like it was such a cliche moment in a wedding. It wasn't. I felt like my heart was breaking, cracking open my chest, the contents of my life and love for Alexis spewing all over the floor. I was losing my little girl in less than an hour.

"You're ready, right?" Alexis asked me.

_No, I'd never be ready._ "Yes. Can I just hold you for a moment?"

"Da-ad!" she cried. "You talk like you're losing me."

"I kind of am."

"Mommy!" Lily cried. "Pick me up!"

"I can't, baby," Alexis said, letting go of me. "This dress is too delicate and your shoes might tear it or get dark marks on it."

"I can pick you up," I said, picking up the little girl that looked like a miniature version of Alexis. She had her mother's chin and nose, and cheeks, her blue eyes and red hair, but fuller lips and longer limbs. I picked her up, all thirty-two pounds of her. She'd always be my Lily Bean, but she was getting a new daddy. A _real_ father. I was only her grandfather, now.

"Oh, this really is the best times in a family," Meredith said, sounding slightly spacey. I knew she had had a few drinks to wash down her Klonopins today. "I didn't think you'd make it to the end of the aisle, Alexis, but you did!"

A faint expression flitted across Alexis's features.

"I'm not there, yet," Alexis muttered.

I knew that hurt, but Meredith was like that; little insults so subtle she didn't even realize she was making them. Who knows what would have happened to Alexis had she grown up with that voice in her ear everyday? Alexis hadn't spoken very much to her own mother through most of her pregnancy. I had sacrificed Meredith's affections to get Alexis away from her. Meredith was dangerous and narcissistic like that; the reach of her narcissism extended to Alexis, regardless. It was funny how Kate, my third wife, was the opposite of Meredith; always building my daughter up, kind, thoughtful, but strong. Alexis had insisted that Kate sit in the front row beside Meredith at the wedding, which Meredith seethed over. Meredith had tried to plant seeds in Kate's mind, but it never worked. Kate was way too emotionally smart, I could trust her with everything. So much I didn't have to hide the real me. The moment Kate saw the real me, I knew she was what I had been searching for; a woman who wasn't related to me but I could trust with my insecurities. Alexis said to me that she didn't hide anything from Ben and he didn't hide anything from her. I only hoped that was true. I hoped she felt the love and warmth and acceptance from Ben that Kate offered me.

The wedding party started down the stairs, Alexis took my arm. The lawn behind the house had been converted into a tented masterpiece of a reception I had insisted on throwing, even though the wedding was rushed and the invite list was small. All she wanted was a small wedding on the beach and I insisted on having a reception, and as usual, I over compensated.

It still wasn't enough to let go of my baby.

We had gone through the motions last night, and I knew my role once the gate to the beach was opened. We walked past the pool and to the boardwalk leading out to the beach. The entrance music started with the quartet, and Meredith and Kate were seated by two of the groomsmen. The wedding planner sent each of Alexis's friends down the aisle; Jules, then Nina, then Erin, and then Tara. I felt dread as the planner sent Lily down the aisle with a basket of red rose petals. Lily froze for a second and I heard Alexis take in a breath.

"Just like we practiced, Lily!" Alexis said just loud enough for her to hear. Lily reached into the basket and dropped a handful of petals and took a step. And then another. I felt Alexis relax on my arm. I did not. I couldn't relax; I felt like I was walking into my own funeral, not a wedding.

"Alright, the two of you," the planner said to us. "Go ahead."

Alexis tugged me along. "Dad?" she asked. "Are you alright?"

"I'm alright, still," I uttered.

The gate opened and we started our slow march down the aisle. She looked so excited. But I felt sick. "This is the end for me," I whispered as the wedding guests watched us, faces all loving, excited, and smiling.

"Oh, Dad, it's not," she whispered. "I'm always going to be your daughter."

I watched Ben's expression at the end of the aisle, waiting on her. Tears in his eyes from the man who had shot terrorists by sniperscope, who had killed without question on order, who showed no regrets over those things, but he cried over my daughter. There were more things I knew he couldn't tell me about his past, things that I knew were hard for any one single man to contain in his mind. Alexis had alluded to his past as a spy; a spy mentored by my mysterious biological father, who was now dead. There were things she'd never know, too, but she trusted him to never hurt her with that. I had to trust him, somehow. Ben caught my eye, and I knew he had the same nauseated sensation I had: that Alexis would turn and run. A part of me wished she would, but she wouldn't. I knew my daughter too well. She took marriage way too seriously.

I didn't hear the minister's opening convocation. My ear were buzzing too loudly and I held onto Alexis as my daughter for the last time. I wished I could hold her forever; I hadn't realized it was ending so soon.

"Dad," Alexis hissed. She nodded towards the minister.

"My line?" I whispered.

"Yes."

There was a giggle in the audience. The minister smiled at us. "I said, 'who presents this woman in marriage today?'" he asked gently.

Alexis looked into my eyes, and I knew I had to do this. I turned back to the minister. "I do," I said with all the voice that was left in me. I could hardly hear myself.

She kissed me on the cheek and let go.

My duties were done. I knew that technically, I was still her father, but I was not the first man in her life once she said, _I do_ to Ben. Not any more.

"Castle," I heard Kate whispered.

I had to sit down now. I didn't want to, but that was the plan, the choreography, the steps to take, although they didn't feel natural. Kate was standing there, her arm outstretched, hand slipping into mine as she welcomed me into the front aisle. "Are you okay?" she whispered.

"I'll never be okay."

She slipped an arm around my shoulders as I tried my hardest to watch my daughter dedicate herself to a man for the rest of her life… all without crying. I took my seat and Kate squeezed me.

Sometimes, I could look into Kate's eyes and see what she was thinking. We could talk like that. Right now was one of those moments.

I hardly heard anything until Alexis said, "I do." It was like watching through a tunnel when they exchanged rings and then it was over. Kate rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. She knew. She understood. She felt the mixed emotions, too.

"You know I love you, right?" I whispered to Kate.

"Always."

* * *

Alexis and Ben had been introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Haversham and they went down the aisle with Lily, only to have his friends from the Marine Corps do the arch of swords as the walked away from the beach, the last one lightly smacked her on her butt with the flat of his sword, making her jump. That hadn't been rehearsed last night. "Welcome to the Marine Corps, Ma'am."

The wedding photos had been taken as the sun was setting. I had been in a few, we had had a family picture with the triplets taken. In my mind's eye, I planned which set of pictures was going to be hanging up in my study.

The reception started, and Kate and I went in to greet the guests before the wedding party was announced.

"Yo," Espo said, coming up to me to shake my hand. "She looked beautiful." He pulled me into a bro-hug.

"And you were a complete sob sister," Ryan said, handing Kate and me a beers. I took a greatful swing from it and Kate threw me a smirk.

"And I hope I'm around to see how much you cry when Sarah Grace gets married," I replied.

"That's going to be a long ways away," Ryan determined. "She's not dating until she's thirty."

"Fat chance," Espo and I sang.

"You'll be a sobbing mess," Kate said. "I'm waiting on it. I will be filming it, and I will play it for the entire bullpen."

"Har har," Ryan said. "But really, Castle. Thank you. Thank you for including us tonight-"

He was interrupted by the DJ, announcing the wedding party and camera flashes went off. I would never get used to referring to Alexis as Mrs. Benjamin Haversham. They had their first dance right away, and I felt even more loss. I had never realized how challenging it was for a man to give up his daughter to marriage- and I had done this to three men so far. How could I ever? I decided I owed Jim Beckett an apology. Sometime tonight, but I was cut short by the wedding planner, dragging me out to the dance floor for the father-daughter dance. I hadn't really gotten a chance to hold my daughter or even talk to her since the ceremony.

Alexis reached for me as the strains of Aerosmith's power ballad _I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing_ came on across the speakers.

"Just like we practiced, Dad," she said. "Are you alright?"

"I'm okay."

"You cried through the whole ceremony."

"I did not!" I teased. "You weren't even looking at me!"

"I heard you," she said. "Sniffing. The whole time."

"Alright, fine. I did. You're my baby."

"But, I'm not a baby, Dad. I'm a grown woman who's had a child of my own," she said. That was like a punch in the gut. "But I'll always be your daughter. Nothing can ever change that."

I twirled her, and she came back to me. "I feel like I lost you."

"You didn't. Promise. I don't think I want to leave New York. At least as long as you live there."

"No, go live your life with Ben," I scoffed. "You deserve it."

"Dad, I'm kind of scared to…" she said. Her chin quivered a little bit. "I'm pregnant."

"Alexis-"

"That's why I pushed the wedding, why I've been really sick lately-"

"Alexis, I know."

She looked stunned for a moment. "You did?"

"Ben came over about six weeks ago and told me."

"That little-"

"He told me I could punch him in the face and he wouldn't fight back. Or press charges. And then he told me he still had every intention of marrying you and adopting Lily as his own, no matter how mad I got."

"I swear, Dad, we didn't intend on this happening again," she said, her cheeks reddening. "I told him not to say anything to you!"

"Don't get upset with him. He did what any good dad would hope his daughter's fiancé would," I said gently, defending him. "And I'm fine with this. Why do you think I didn't ask questions when you asked to push the wedding up?"

"I didn't even realize it," she admitted. "I'm terrified."

"You've done it once on your own before. You've got Ben, now. You don't need me."

"Of course I need you, Dad!" she cried softly. "I'll always need you."

"How far along are you?"

"Ten weeks," she said.

"Can I announce it when you get back to New York from your honeymoon?"

"Of course. Don't worry, I'm getting my tubes tied after I give birth," she sighed. "I can't handle this happening a third time."

"I know."

"At least I'm an honest woman, now."

"Your marital status will never determine what kind of person you are."

"Then why do you feel like I'm not your daughter any longer because I'm married?"

* * *

After Alexis and Ben left for the hotel for the night, and we put cranky Lily to bed, we directed the clean-up crew and finally I got to take a shower in my own bathroom. When I got out, Kate was already in bed, waiting for me to get in so we could turn out the lights. She had a book propped up on her chest, reading, despite how I could see her eyes drooping. She had the balcony doors open so we could hear the ocean as we fell asleep tonight.

"Come on, I'm exhausted," she said, pulling back the sheets and patting the bed. "It's been a huge day."

"She told me tonight," I began, "that she's pregnant again. I wonder why she waited so long to tell me?"

"She really thought you didn't know?"

"I'm just happy for her, but…"

"It was hard to see her get married off."

"Yes. Ben's a good kid-"

"He's not a kid, Castle. He's grown man."

"Why did he have to be such a stand-up guy?" I groaned. "Why could he have been a jerk and run off like Pi did? I'd still have my baby-"

"Don't speak badly of the dead."

"You're not superstitious."

"Don't tell me that Pi running out on Alexis all those years ago- you actually enjoyed that?"

"No, I didn't. Of course not. But, she came back to me. She was my little girl again, even if she was pregnant. I was the number one man in her life even after she left for college, but I'm not the man she's going to run to any more."

"This changes nothing when it comes to how much she loves you."

"Right. Remind me to apologize to your father in the morning for taking you away from him."

Kate chuckled. "Oh, Castle… Dad will appreciate that."

I groaned and rolled over in bed, only to have Kate spoon me from behind and drape an arm over me.

"A girl's lucky if she has a father like you in her life."


End file.
